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Keldrick T. Mobley, © May Lifestyle Columnist, AgeVenture News Service |
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People always want to know how is it that I am so good with the ladies.
Well I have to be honest with you. I have no idea. But I will tell you this.
There are some things that I do that keep the ladies coming back for more.
You see guys (and some of you females), the way to the opposite sex is to keep things real.
"How do I do that Keldrick?" Don't worry, I gotcha covered on this one. The first thing you're going to want to do is get that ladies phone number. Now don't go up to her and say something lame like "Hey, can I call you sometimes?" Not only is she going to say "No", but also she's going to tell her friends about how your game is weaker than Steve Urkel's uppercut. You'll have to play it smooth. Start a conversation with her and give her YOUR number, if she doesn't call you hassle her until she does. Just have confidence in yourself and most importantly: ask all of the pretty girls for their numbers first then work your way to the ugly ones. Don't sell yourself short by asking the ugly ones first. Make sure the ugly ones don't know that they're the ugly ones. That wouldn't be very nice. (You can all yell at me about beauty on the inside some other time, but there isn't one guy who says, "I'm not into that beautiful type" and if there is, then he has problems.) Always be up front with the girl you're trying to talk to, but don't let out too much information. If she drives and you don't, play it off. Tell her "Yeah baby, I got me a ride. In fact I got a driver who takes me anywhere I want to go. Baby, I got hydros all up in my ride, hell, even the seat has hydros. In fact I don't ride 20 inch rims, they wouldn't fit on my ride. I'm ridin' on 45's baby. Yeah, you ain't never heard of that before." She doesn't have to know your talking about the bus. Let her find that out later, and if it's a problem then you know home-girl is materialistic. On to the next chick. Now that you and her are talking the next thing you're going to want to do is take her out. Play it off and tell her "Since you're a woman of the new millennium, why don't YOU pick ME up." She'll love you for it, trust me. Now don't go somewhere lame like the Grand Prix (unless you get a really cool girl who suggest that) take her somewhere nice, but not expensive. Tell her you guys are going to a real nice restaurant that has been around for years. Tell her when you get there you will be her personal waiter and that you'll order a little extra something for the meal. Now when you get to McDonalds she'll know you're the man because not only did you carry the tray back to the table but you also super-sized that MO-FO for her. And order on drink with two straws. She wants desert? Not a problem because apple pies are 2 for a dollar buddy! If you take her on a Wednesday then hamburgers are only 29 cents! Your night of love is about to begin. Next you're going to want to take her somewhere nice. Remember you're on a budget so going to a club is out. Do something interactive like skating. Now you get to "fall" all over her and pretend you can't skate to save your life. (This works better when you really can't skate.) Skate to a nice little spot on the beach so you two can watch the moon together. Oh, and don't forget to turn your cell phone or your pager off. You know once 12 hits your ol' girl is going to want to know where you are because you're one hour past curfew. When she's dropping you home, make sure to have the air conditioning on full blast. She'll be cold, you'll be there to keep her warm, and it doesn't get any better. When you pull up to your place stay in the car for a little while and talk about what a great time you had. Let her know that the next time you guys go out, she can borrow your bus pass. You can thank me later. Born in 1979, Keldrick is a native of Miami, Florida. "I fell in love with writing in the 3rd grade when I was asked to write a one-page story describing a bridge. I knew I had a passion for it when my page long bridge story turned into a ten page (front and back!) long epic about a group of friends on an adventure in the Amazon. Since then I've written for my high school newspaper, "The Trojan Times" and have gone on to write for the Miami Dade Community College paper "The Falcon Times". It was at the "Falcon Times" that I won the FCCAA's Best Humor Columnist for 2001. My most recent work can be seen in the 2004 March edition of Blender Magazine (pages 66 and 67). My columns reflect current events and life lessons with my keen sense of observation. Some people think its funny." Keldrick T. Mobley. BACK TO TOP |