John M. Reigle Special to AgeVenture News Service 07-02-03
After paying for your loved one’s nursing home, caregivers, and medicine, you might not have
much money left for a lavish funeral or memorial. But with a little planning, and some
traditions set aside, you might have all that you need. First, let’s consider the cost
of a funeral; the choice of casket, outer burial container, services of the funeral
director and their staff, and the use of the funeral home all add to the total cost.
To save money, first ask yourself, "What is most valuable?" Do we want a service that
our family and friends can attend?
A service that remembers the person, their role in
our lives, and one that helps us put our life in perspective? Maybe even a nice luncheon
or dinner afterwards where we can share a few words with old friends who we haven’t seen
in a while. Here are some ideas that can add meaning but save dollars.
Consider having graveside services,
with the casket and outer burial container costs kept at a basic. If the deceased was a veteran, you can cover the casket with a flag. Otherwise you can use flowers if you think the appearance of the casket makes any difference. You can even have the burial performed before friends arrive.
Use a church or hall for memorial services.
With a little planning you should be able to work with the clergy to provide anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour of meaningful music, spoken message, with the emphasis not on the casket. With or without the services of a funeral director, you can have a fitting tribute.
You can now enlarge photographs for a reasonable cost.
Some large framed, poster size pictures of your family and of the deceased’s life can be very touching tribute. They can be especially helpful if you choose not to have a viewing of the body.
Incorporate a luncheon or dinner into your memorial plans. Sharing time after the funeral or memorial has been a tradition that is more important and valuable than any casket, vault, or shiny new hearse.
Consider the cost of a funeral director and their facilities versus using an alternative location, and planning the memorial yourself. What’s curious to me is how many people plan and orchestrate important events like weddings and anniversaries on their own. Those events aren’t much different from a memorial service.
When considering the costs of a funeral, remember that regardless of what you pay for a casket or vault, it will not stop the decomposition of the deceased person’s remains. The "protective" features of caskets and vaults will not stop what Mother Nature intended.
If you decide to purchase a casket, remember that the product you are being shown represents what someone wants to sell you. If you want a plain wood casket, ask to see a "cremation" casket, some are very simple wood containers suitable for burial or cremation. The sellers of caskets show the most choices in the price range they want you to consider buying. Don’t accept what they show you as being all there is. Ask to see the manufacturers catalog!
If you are unfortunate enough to have a less than helpful provider, consider looking in the yellow pages under caskets, look on the internet, call around and check prices. Caskets are marked up anywhere from 20% to 400%, for the exact same product, so beware of what you pay; it may be too much for what you get.
In the end, it’s not the casket, vault, marker, or other stuff that makes a difference. Instead, it is the sincerity of the love that is shown in the tribute as family and the presence of friends gather to mourn the loss of their loved one. A well-planned spoken message can carry all the meaning, love, and hope that is valued in funerals and memorials, and that’s what is valued by most of us today.
Adapted from When Death Occurs A Consumer’s Guide: Funerals, Memorials, Burial, Cremation, and Body Donation ISBN: 0-9716518-0-9, $19.95, by John M. Reigle. John has been a licensed funeral director since 1981 and is a graduate of the University of Michigan-Flint and Wayne State University. Available from local bookstores, online www.whendeathoccurs.com, or by calling 1-989-370-7116.
David Demko reports on lifestyle
issues and trends in Aging America.
This column may be used, free-of-charge, by print and broadcast media with the following attribution: "David Demko, AgeVenture News Service, www.demko.com"