Sisters and Brothers, relationship of a lifetime Professor David J. Demko, PhD AgeVenture News Service 03-21-03 Lillian S. Hawthorne is the author of the new book "Sisters and Brothers All These Years: Taking Another Look at the Longest Relationship in Your Life" (VanderWyk & Burnham). Her experience as a clinical social worker provides insights that helps readers get to the heart of sibling relationship. Hawthorne has taken her experience as a clinical social worker and created the article to raise older people's awareness of this issue. The author hopes to encourage older adults to get to the heart of their sibling connections. Most older Americans have brothers and sisters, and those relationships are often the most lasting bonds in their lives. The issue is that many of them have lost touch with their siblings over the years. The early and middle years of adulthood are often filled with busy life experiences that just don't seem to give people the time to spend with their siblings. And sometimes people unknowingly let childhood issues interfere in adult sibling relationships. People with siblings often report higher life satisfaction and lower rates of depression in their later years. That's why it's so important that they take the time now to rediscover those relationships and make the most of them. Afterall, who is the person you've known the longest? Many of you will answer "my sister" or"my brother." So when was the last time you talked to your sibling? People often lose touch with brothers and sisters over the years. Sometimes circumstances lead to a drifting apart. Other times, people unknowingly let childhood issues interfere in their adult sibling relationships. However, you can choose to reenter your siblings' lives and enjoy the benefits of those relationships today. Take the story of two sisters, Polly and Jonie, who are now in their 70s. They spent many years apart-until they finally connected in their later years. Polly was a sickly child and suffered a severe infection when she was six. At the same time, her mother disappeared from home for several days and then reappeared with a blanket-wrapped bundle named Jonie. The new baby hardly ever cried and constantly received approving attention. Polly was terrified. Had her mother left to punish her for being sick? Was the new baby a healthy replacement for her? Right then she decided she would no longer need any special care from anyone. Jonie remembers those early times differently. "You were my big sister," she tells Polly. "I wanted to be like you and follow you around. But you wouldn't let me. I didn't know what I did wrong." Polly responds quietly, "It wasn't really anything you did, probably just that you were there." What followed over the next decades were joys and sorrows, challenges and hardships. All faced without the care and comfort that might have easily flowed from sister to sister, if only they had not drifted apart. The isolating separation distanced the sisters in miles and emotions. Over time, things changed for the better. The sisters eventually came to live a short distance from one another. "Now we can be together more. It's just too bad that it took us such a long time to be together like this." Polly answers softly, "Maybe we just needed such a long time to find where we really wanted to be." What finally brought these two sisters together, both literally and figuratively, in their later years? Perhaps it was being with each other again that helped them realize that they were no longer children at the mercy of childhood perceptions but adults with greater perspective. Perhaps since there were fewer people and time in their lives now, whoever and whatever remained became more precious. Siblings are the last remaining members of our family of origin. Our siblings not only offer us the opportunity to reminisce about our shared family experiences, but they can also be a source of support and a friendly companion with whom we can share new adventures. Take the time now to reconnect with your sisters and brothers. The benefits are limitless. "Sisters and Brothers All These Years" is available from the publisher (1-800-789-7916) or your local retail bookstore. Graphic credit: VanderWyk and Burnham.